Honey walked in the door with the flowers pictured below (a lovely camera phone shot, since I can’t seem to locate my Vivitar digital camera). I have no idea why. I know most women would be jumping for joy, but I’m just… confused. (Don’t worry, I made sure to smile and say thank you before blogging about what an ungrateful bitch I am, as I really do appreciate the thought and the gift.)

We don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. We never have. Hell, I barely even remember it occurs once a year. With my allergies, I’m not hugely into flowers, especially roses, which honey knows – if you have to get me flowers, I prefer unscented purple ones, preferably dark purple irises. Which he also knows. Or I thought he did. Anyway…

I’m a little thrown, and quite possibly over analyzing a nice gift. I don’t do the over analyzing thing often, but it’s been a strange year for gifts from honey. It used to be he had me pegged – if he got me a present it was going to be a great one, because he knew me inside and out. The past few months he’s given me gifts, and I’ve said thank you enthusiastically, but its like they are for some other girl, not me. And when I say that out loud I feel… ungrateful and not a little bitchy.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate every gift, but some of them have been truly odd. Either the timing was out of character for honey or for us (like today), or the present has been something extremely unlike “me” or “us” (like roses – pretty, but not my usual taste). I guess if he hadn’t spent 12 years demonstrating he does know me well, if this was a new relationship, I would chalk it up to being in the learning curve, but… we aren’t. It’s just a bit odd, but not in a bad way.

Anyway, I’ll shut up with the over analyzing and enjoy my gift now. Aren’t they pretty??

NOW LISTENING: the mix in the post below… again

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Every year people everywhere use the first of the year as a catalyst for change and reflection. I don’t do that. I don’t think picking one certain day over another to make a change has any real effect. I think if you have a change you want to make or a goal you want to accomplish, you need to take the plunge on any day, or every day. For instance, I wanted to lose the weight I put on after the accident last year, so once I was declared healthy enough, I just started walking this summer. Since August 1, 2007, I’ve reached one goal – to lose the weight the accident recovery made me gain. Now I’m already working on goal number two – losing the weight I’d already gained before that. One step at a time (literally).

As for reflection and regret and all other dark thought processes the New Year brings out in a lot of people, I don’t believe in regret either. I do believe in apology though. I wouldn’t change one single thing about my life. Every decision I’ve ever made, poor ones and great ones and mediocre ones, have shaped who I have become. You can’t grow in a vacuum – you have to make mistakes. Regret leads to unresolved unhappiness and anger, when simply acknowledging your actions and mistakes and taking responsibility for your life will help you reach happiness and contentment. As for reflection – well, that’s just too close to brooding, isn’t it?

I’ve managed to track down and apologize to most of the people who were harmed by my decisions throughout my life. Part of taking responsibility for your actions and choices is the responsibility to see when they were harmful to others and make amends. There are a few who I haven’t been able to give the honor of a direct apology, for one reason or another. Some of them have passed away (Nana), some of them I can’t find (CF), even with the leveling power of the Internet behind me, and some were so hurt by my actions they don’t wish to hear an apology (understandable, JLM). I’ll keep trying, because part of accepting the me I became through the accumulation of my life choices is continuing to make amends for the bad as well as embracing the good that may have come of it.

How about you? Are you a wallower, spending vast amounts of time reflecting brooding on past events you can’t change, and second guessing every choice? Are you a list maker, using January First as your yearly touchstone to keep your life in line? Do you use the New Year to set unrealistic goals you know as you write them that you can’t meet? Or are you one of the people who sets their goals throughout the year, like I do, and tried to achieve them as they go? Or are you someone who makes no goals beyond gain and hurts people indiscriminately and feels no need to grow or understand what you’ve become? What’s your approach?

NOW LISTENING: Suburbia by TSOL (The Sons of Liberty, for the curious, band from my wayward youth the aforementioned CF introduced me to)

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I was born in the year of the Rat, and so was honey, according to the Chinese Zodiac (1972). This year marks another Year of the Rat (2008). Honey and I got together in a Year of the Rat (1996), too. I don’t remember what I was doing besides getting in trouble in 1984, the other year of the Rat. What does it mean? Who knows, but if you are also a Rat, here’s the alleged scoop:

The Rat
Being born a Rat is nothing to be ashamed of. In China, the Rat is respected and considered a courageous, enterprising person. It is deemed an honor to be born in the Year of the Rat and it is considered a privilege to be associated with a Rat. Rats know exactly where to find solutions and can take care of themselves and others without problems. They use their instinctive sense of observation to help others in times of need and are among the most fit of all the Animal signs to survive most any situation.

Years of the Rat
First in the cycle, Rat Years begin the sequence and recur every twelfth year. The Chinese New Year does not fall on a specific date, so it is essential to check the calendar to find the exact date on which each Rat year actually begins.

The Sign of the Rat
Being born under this sign determines many talents, as well as other characteristics that may not be so commendable. Rats are very lively and need a lot of mental and physical stimulation. They can be calm and perceptive, but sometimes their brains can cause a mental restlessness, tempting them to take on too much, only to discover they are unable to meet their commitments. Rats are blessed with one of the best intellects going. Add to their intelligence a curiosity and a bright imagination, and they seem as sharp as a needle.

The sign of the Rat is the first sign in the cycle giving Rat people exude great leadership qualities and are good at taking the lead. They don’t mind a lot of responsibility and they demonstrate a strong presence that other people respect. For those with the Rat nature, status and monetary satisfaction are the greatest motivation.

RAT FACTS:
People born in the Year of the Rat share certain characteristics. The Rat sign is an abbreviated way of characterizing that individual’s personality. Following are features associated with the sign of the Rat. First in order, Chinese name-SHU, sign of charm
Hour-11pm-12:59am Month-December
Western Counterpart-Sagittarius

CHARACTERISTICS
Smart, Magnetic, Well-liked, Affable, Quick-witted, Surreptitious, Selfish, Protective, Calculating

Like all Zodiac personality predictions, this one gets as much wrong as it does right. It’s still fun to read though. According to the description each year has a corresponding element, and mine is water:

THE WATER RAT 1912 AND 1972
Being guided by the Water element means these Rats have a knack for influencing people. With their strong intellectual powers and great insight, they are also great puzzle solvers. They are quick to understand others and are incredibly practical people. Rats apply their talents to their everyday lives, making them obliging, generous and compassionate to other people. Generally, they are liked and respected by everyone. Like all Rats, however, they can be determined to seek their own gain, and will not mind using these talents to achieve it – though generally without losing anyone’s respect in doing so.

The rest of the character traits and elemental descriptions are here. What’s your year, animal and element? How accurate is it?

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Writing for other sites, catching up from the holiday, and generally recovering from all that Christmas spirit (not to mention all those Christmas Spirits). We’ll be back to our regular verbosity tomorrow.

NOW LISTENING: the soothing sound of no Christmas music, and snowmobiles behind the house.

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We are not very “into” holidays here in this house. We basically celebrate Christmas because relatives would get upset with us if we did what we really want to do, which is stay home, do nothing, watch movies and eat Chinese take out.

Don’t get me wrong, Christmas can be fun, and it’s nice to give and get gifts. We both hate how early we have to start hearing about it each year from the retail industry, but other than that we don’t give it much thought.

Up until recently, Christmas meant a long trip to Ohio that made honey resent the whole holiday. He was obligated from birth to go every year to see relatives, and when you are obligated to do anything, it becomes a chore, even if you like it. He adores his Ohio relatives, and so do I, but the last few years he decided not to go, as he thought the ration of to Ohio trips as opposed to from Ohio trips was so dramatically unbalanced. Plus, it is really expensive to take so many days off work to travel this time of year when construction work is lessened due to weather.

This is in complete contrast to my relationship with my family and extended family. I don’t see blood ties as creating the same kinds of holiday obligations other people do. I think I’ve been home for the holidays (any holidays) less than 5 times in the last 20 years. And that is fine with me – I see my family plenty, and we keep in touch in other ways when we want to.

The last few years, after eliminating the massive trip to Ohio, we have been going to see his folks closer to home (one blissful year we got to stay home alone and eat Chinese – the year we moved in to the house we live in now). This means that we still have to shop. We both hate to shop. Don’t get me wrong – we like to give gifts, it’s just the shopping part we dislike.

Usually this dislike of shopping translates into a big Mall trip on December 24th, where we divide and conquer the Mall in less than two hours, lists in tow and battle faces on, meeting for a beer in the Mall after. This year we got all of our shopping done yesterday in a weird twist of fate. We were awake at 8 AM on Sunday for reasons we don’t know. We were motivated. We went shopping. We are done. That makes me inordinately happy.

One year I plan to buy everything online. I used to do that a lot. Of course, I also used to buy at local art walks and such throughout the year, but I don’t live in Santa Barbara anymore – no art walks here, just wacky country crafts. Ick. I think shopping early is a good start. Plus, I got to wrap gifts early to, which I enjoy doing for some reason.

Other ways we are weird about Christmas: No tree, usually. Some years we have one, most years we don’t. No decorations inside at all really, except the hundreds of cards honey and I get each year from online friends, real life friends through the years, family and extended family and clients. We put the cards on the side of the steps. We usually hang Christmas lights outside that look like a landing strip, but we haven’t done that yet this year – mainly because the electric bill is high enough already with oil prices what they are. Ouch.

What do you do about Christmas presents? Do you have that relative who is hell bent on getting you something they can wrap? We do. It’s honey’s mom. Love her to death, but she hates giving gift cards and the like because they aren’t “wrapable”. This means the same conversation every year:

MIL: “So what do you want for Christmas?”

Me: “My favorite is always a gift certificate to BooksAMillion or iTunes or Barnes and Noble or Starbucks or the Apple Store, things like that, and he wants the same thing but to Lowes or something.”

MIL: “No, I mean, something I can wrap.”

Me: “Put it in a box and wrap the box?”

MIL: “No, I want to get you a real present.”

Me: “That is a real present. Besides, we don’t need anything, really. We are happy and comfortable with what we have, and don’t want more clutter in the house. A Gift Certificate is perfect.”

MIL: “But you can’t wrap it.”

Me: “Hang on a sec, I think someone is at the door.” (cover phone with hand. bang head on table a few times.) “Anyway, we just want a little token Gift Certificate.”

The conversation goes on like this until she finally wears us down and we ask for Things She Can Wrap. All of which are always more expensive that the Gift Certificate would have been, which drives us both a little crazy and makes us feel greedy. I know she means well, but it is frustrating. Hey, at least I got my mom to stop giving me clothes (we have nowhere near the same taste) and everyone to stop giving knick knacks (I think they finally figured out that all knick knacks get regifted or tossed. We hate them.).

How do you celebrate your holidays? Do you decorate? Travel? Do you give people what they really want, or do you give them what you want to give them or think they should have?

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