Things that are popular with folks I’m friends with and the internet that I do not get. At all.

Zombies. I hate zombies. I don’t understand why anyone wants to dress up like one, much less watch one in any movie. For any reason. Glad my friends have fun doing this, because I like my friends, but… very meh on the whole zombie trend thing.

Mindless slasher flicks of any kind. Not a fan. Give me a good thriller that shows no/little gore, something that is a psychological roller coaster ride, but keep your pumping blood, gushing cuts, disintegrating zombies, maggot encrusted dead pets, etc to yourself. Heck, I don’t even like seeing the actors in the fake blood on a set prepping for a scene for one of our film clients for one of my companies. I have no idea why these are even popular right now – there is plenty of real life scary stuff out there to worry about.

Vuvuzelas. Seriously. Enough already.

Crocs. I mean, do I really have to explain this one?

What trends can you just not get behind, no matter what?

When will we take a stand on this? The latest article tells of a 92 year old driver who crashed into newlyweds and caused injury, amputation and fatality.

Here are some past thoughts on this issue:

Here and here and here and here

When you’re in business, it is inevitable that what you do involves other people. The way I run my businesses, I do a lot of collaborational arrangements on a per project basis with subcontractors like web designers, graphic designers, programmers, video editors, etc. This means I spend a lot of time in the world of estimates, bids, trades and RFPs (requests for proposals). This also means my two or three business pet peeves get triggered fairly often.

Peeve 1) Learn to Estimate

I can not tell you how annoying it is to get a proposal from someone where it is painfully obvious they have underestimated their time, resources, and overall budget. If the error is egregious, I may send a note suggesting politely that they take a second look at the estimate and resubmit, just to be nice, especially if I know the person is just starting out in freelancing and may be learning. If the problem continues, or comes from a company who should have the experience to know better? Chances are I’m going to take a teach by experience approach, taking the bid and saving my client money while letting the freelancer or company experience the time sink and cost overflow that comes from working a project that was not bid correctly. This usually nets a correct bid on future projects but means the freelancer lost money and time for their carelessness. A painful way to learn. Know what you are worth. Then bid what you are worth. I’d rather pay you more and get good quality than work with an unhappy, underpaid contractor.

Peeve 2) Unsolicited Change Orders and Cost Changes

Related to Peeve 1, if you under bid and the bid was accepted, you don’t get to try and re invoice halfway through at the price you should have bid the job in the first place. If the client wants to increase the scope, we will initiate that discussion and negotiate an increase and change order with the winning bidder; otherwise, the freelancer or company should stick with what was bid and learn from the mistake for future bids.

Peeve 3) Trade Weaseling

I don’t know what else to call this one. On rare occasion I’ll negotiate an in-kind trade with someone. I don’t do this often, because in kind trades don’t pay the bills, but they have other benefits that occasionally make them worthwhile. If I negotiate a trade for my services anticipating a certain project on the freelancer or company’s end and the project falls through for them, I will honor the trade on another of their clients, present or future. However, selling someone else isn’t my responsibility in this case. Don’t come back to me wanting money for whatever the trade was for or for me to devote hours selling what services others are offering because said freelancer or company couldn’t close a deal. They have my agreement to give them thousands of dollars of work in writing, good until the debt is settled, and the freelancer or company are still obligated to hold up their end of the trade. Ditto trades where folks realize they over committed – honor the trade and learn from the time discrepancy.

I imagine my Peeve # 3 will get the most comments, but I’m interested to know: what are YOUR business peeves?

Today I should be writing a happy post, because it is sunny out again for the first time in ages (we’ve had massive, flooding rains here for a while). My windows are open, birds are singing, it’s 65 degrees at 10 in the morning, my eyes are tearing from the beauty (or, maybe, the allergies, but whatever, I’ll take it). It’s going to be a stressful day, though.

You see, I have a really strong personality. I know this about myself. What it means for others is that no matter how unthreatening and nice I try to be? I still come off to certain personality types (not everyone, just a small handful, but even so) as completely intimidating. Not being a mind reader, I try hard to look for body cues as to when someone is feeling that way – this is much easier to do in person than when you work mostly online, trust me.

What happens when you work online and I miss the cues? This certain personality type bottles up how they are feeling over the course of a project. Eventually, things get awkward in interactions, or the project shuts down, and I do notice something is amiss. Then I use that intimidating personality of mine to make them tell me what is wrong, even if they don’t want to. I figure I can’t fix the issue if I don’t know what it is. What that means is usually a long, long, REALLY LONG email of all the stuff they’ve been thinking for however long they’ve been thinking it. And while I am always happy they finally told me so we can move forward, those kind of emails always, always suck to receive.

The things in them are never that bad. I am always floored by the things they say bugged them, and without fail I want to ask “This was so simple, why didn’t you just speak up??” But I know the answer: because they don’t have a personality that finds criticism or conflict, no matter how mild, easy to take, they don’t want to give criticism, or to speak up when they feel left behind or railroaded. I speak for all of us with strong personalities, busy schedules and big ideas we’d like to be able to include others in the planning of more easily: FOR FUCK SAKE SPEAK UP.

I know it is hard for those of you with this personality: that very introverted and/or extremely emotional streak makes everything seem like a challenge already, and then you get me, the typical ENTP – fast talking, loud, brusque, smart, creative, quirky, forward thinking, impatient to get moving, loyal to a fault, busy, busy, busy, not afraid of a bit of friction, etc – and you start to bottle things up. Oh Em Gee. Just tell me. I would much rather you say, in the moment, “When you talk that fast it makes me feel like you aren’t listening to me, please slow down, I have good ideas.” than bottle that up for three months until you say “You are an insensitive bitch who never listens to my ideas.” See the difference? Same sentence, but one is constructive and in the moment and one is packed with resentment.

So, in conclusion, your inability to articulate yourself in the moment is not my fault and not in my control. But how I’m interacting with you is very much in my control, and I can’t work with you in a way that works with YOU unless you speak up. If you don’t speak up, I just keep on being efficient and doing my thing, because again, I am not a mind reader.

And that concludes today’s rant.

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“Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”

ranton/

Seriously. What is wrong with people today? I am very, very good at my job, but I failed Clairvoyant 101 and Telephathic 101. COMMUNICATE. Also, do your job well so I can do mine well and the whole will be better for it.

That is all

/rantoff

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Let me dive right in to a sticky, emotional subject. I’ve been thinking about the topic of adoption lately, mainly due to the Haitian earthquake and a friend getting pregnant via IVF, then today by a friend’s tweet about someone over in Haiti trying to bring back a child. There really isn’t any way to discuss the issue without getting people’s danders up, but I’ll do my best to posit my thoughts here without causing rancor.

First, let me share the tweet from my friend Mike Schneider. His friend Elizabeth Moore is over in Haiti, pregnant, and trying to bring back Lily – a child they started the adoption process on three years ago, according to Mike and the article. I think I might have hurt Mike’s feelings by not giving him the simple RT he wanted (RTs, or retweets, drive awareness on Twitter by sharing an idea form one person with a new network of listeners), and by simply wishing his friend safe passage home with or without Lily. I then went to the blog article and posted the same well wishes for her safety and linked to the Haitian adoption info I’m posting below, in hopes of helping other potential adoptive parents who might come to the Moore’s blog as well. It felt a little weird to combine well wishes with education, not knowing their whole story, but the issue overall is so hot button right now, I’m trying to share the educational link wherever I can.

Keep in mind, Mike is someone I trust. Mike is, usually, someone I will simply RT if asked, because the information he shares is vetted, always. In this instance I chose to share his friend’s plight with my network by replying to him instead of blanket retweeting, because it ties in to the overall issue of Haitian adoption, and Haitian adoptions since the quake are a problem issue. So, while his friend most likely confirmed Lily’s orphan status long ago, so many adoption now haven’t – how then to help Mrs Moore without also helping the others who adopt without thought for the consequences (you can read a very well done post about the consequences of adopting from different cultures and under-developed nations over here)? My answer, personally, was conversation, which I hoped drew sympathetic eyes to her plight and to the larger issue, without giving a flat endorsement to an issue that weighs heavy on the mind.

Adoption, in general, has been on my mind for many years. I have so many friends who adopt from other countries, or who eschew adoption in favor of expensive fertility treatments. In fact, Mike has adopted children from another country, and he is a good dad. When I ask people why they chose to adopt kids from another country and not one of the millions of American kids who need homes, the answer is most often “money”. From what I understand, it is actually cheaper and less time consuming to adopt a child in need of help from outside the United States, unless you wish to first foster a child, then adopt (apparently the cheapest method in the States). Since I could be misunderstanding, here is a site that discusses adoption costs.

Another reason they give are restrictive adoption criteria. I would love someone to educate me on what this means for the family and for the children in the system here. I genuinely have no idea, and nearly every site was incredibly vague on what the restrictions are for both families wishing to adopt and children waiting for homes. I don’t know about you but I find it easier to form opinions with more, and better, information. If we have set up a system where we are so restrictive our children here in the US can’t find homes that are safe, and adoptive parents can’t be connected to children who need them, then we need to reevaluate our system and use our platforms to effect change.

Last but not least, I’ll touch briefly on fertility treatments. I try not to offer my opinion on these to my friends – I have several who have gone that road, after all, and I am fairly firmly against this costly method of getting pregnant. In my unscientific opinion, it seems natural for some people to not be able to easily get pregnant – as if it’s nature’s way of keeping the population a little more even. If I found I could not get pregnant (were I to wish to have children in the first place), my only solution would be adoption or being a foster parent – no questions asked. If asked why, I’d have to say it smacks of selfishness to me to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars to “have your own” child when so many need homes. No one’s gene pool is that important. Heck, this year a friend wanted to know if I’d use my social network to help them hold a fundraiser to help the couple pay for IVF. Um, no. That’s an abuse of a social network for a personal choice, not to raise money for a collective good cause like cancer research or whatnot.

Anyway, I’m always hoping to be a conduit of information so I’d love it if people much more knowledgeable on adoption than I posted some concrete information in the comments so we could all learn more about the process of adoption in America. And while information justifying a personal choice for or against fertility treatments aren’t going to sway my opinion on that, feel free to post that also – someone else may want to learn.

I just had an a-ha! moment. I’ve long wondered why the evil PayPal continues to reign supreme in the online payment field, even though they are evil. I finally think I figured it out.

Google Checkout is run by a (somewhat less) evil company, but you don’t get your money in any way immediately or in any timely fashion. PayPal is immediate, and if you have the PayPal debit card – you can go grab it right after the buyer sends it. With Google Checkout you don’t see the money unless it is a Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday, and THEN you still have to wait five days on your bank’s end.

REALLY GOOGLE? What the hell. Make the access to money more immediate, like PayPal, please. Make deposits to banks on Nights and Weekends too. Heck, even my BANK has Sunday hours now – get with it.

I’ll preface this by saying that I realize in some cultures it is perfectly normal to take kids into a tavern. Heck, in THIS culture it is, as long they are supervised and not absorbing a culture of drinking. If you go to a restaurant with a tavern, absolutely grab a table in the tavern for your family so the parents can watch a little bit of the ball game while the family grabs lunch – no problem.

This post is inspired by those parents or guardians who think it is cute to have their kid sit at a bar stool in a bar as if they were one of the drinkers. This drives me batty on a number of levels:

1) Is that really the message you want your kid to learn, that bellying up to the bar at noon (or whenever) is “cool” or something to aspire to?

2) Taking up a bar stool at night (no bar ever has enough spots at the bar for those of age that are there to hang out. Your kid taking up one of the spots is not appreciated. Ever.

3) Having to censor conversations because of YOUR lax parenting style. If you are going to let your kid belly up to the bar, that is your parenting choice, and not the patrons. Don’t tell them to “stop cussing” or “don’t tell that story in front of my kid” – you invaded their adult space, not the other way around. And I mean, really – are you really one to dictate behavior at this point, after plopping your offspring on a bar stool to watch mommy or daddy get soused?

4) The parents who allow their kid to not only sit there but to spread out and do home work while they drink it up with their friends and ignore the kid, or even worse try to get the patrons to help with said home work so they don’t have to? You’re a special kind of bad parent.

5) Putting the screaming baby on the bar space in front of a bar stool or on a bar stool so you can “watch” it while you drink. Do I really have to address this one out loud?

6) After you get your odious offspring their bar stool, you start calling them stupid for various imagined instances of “talking back” while you drink. Unacceptable. How do you expect them to behave with that kind of example?

Am I only seeing this because of the very small town I live in? no. I see this in a lot of places, though it is far less often in a city, I’ll give you that. Have I missed any examples? What do y’all do in this situation? Say something? Ignore it? A third option I’ve yet to come up with?

It is the warm season here in New England, which means the proliferation of bike riders on the roads. It also means the increase of bicycle caused accidents and injuries.

Don’t get me wrong, I applaud people who want to be healthier who ride for exercise. I also applaud people who ride their bike to work, school and errands to help save gas or be kinder to the environment. I also recognize that for every 25 cars on the road, one is going to be careless near a bike.

What gets me is the tendency of bicycles to think they own the road, or that they deserve to do whatever they wish because they are making some perceived self sacrifice in riding a bike, or, worse, when bike riders are careless. The careless bike riders put not just themselves at risk, but drivers and pedestrians as well.

Things I’ve seen so far this year:

• Bicyclists riding 5 across on a two lane highway, blocking a line of cars behind them and flipping off the drivers when they rolled their windows down to ask them to ride single file.

• Bike riders who refuse to stay on the outside of the white line, away from cars, swerving in and out of the narrow roads unpredictably, making it difficult to pass them for their own safety.

• Bike riders who punch the hoods of cars as they go by.

• The riders who choose to ride on the most rural of roads. If there is not a white line, and not enough room for cars to pass, much less a bike, you shouldn’t be on that road. It’s a hazard for bike riders and those driving.

• People who ride and talk on a cell phone. I mean, do I really have to spell out why here?

• Bikes who crowd walkers into the street on the rural roads here. You’re faster, pass a walker on the left quickly, then get back on the outside of the white line, or preferably onto an off-road bike trail instead.

There are many more things that I’ve seen bicycle riders do that put themselves and others at risk. Bike riders, don’t be a hazard. Make it EASY for us not to injure you or ourselves trying our best to avoid you.

So, as many of you know I work in social media strategy and training for the most part, with some speaking, writing and business development thrown in the mix (it pays to be well rounded). I really love what I do! The printed word come to life, in a way. However, one of the trends in the social media world is photos and video. Metric tons of photos of all types and reams and reams of video.

I don’t understand where the phrase “generate interesting and compelling content people might want to seek out online” became “take nine million photos and videos no one cares about of you and your friends at events to prove that you were there”. Whenever that happened, whoever started that trend, well… no offense but I’d kind of like to punch you in the neck. Figuratively, of course. *cough*

Let’s put it this way – I have never been a fan of the camera. Ever. I spent 31 years of my life attractive, thin and camera-ready. I still ran from the camera (much to my photographer step-father’s chagrin). I. Hate. Photos. In spite of my aversion to the camera, I used to be able to attend events, to have a little fun, to cut a rug, to learn things, to share my knowledge – all with no pressure.

Oh, not anymore. Now there is no way to just go to an event and learn things, meet new people, share what I know and make connections without the underlying annoyance of the citizen paparazzi. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I love your enamoration with your own visages, your need to prove you attended an event with hundreds of photographs of yourself with people you just met. I just don’t share that obsession, and what’s more, I know I’m not alone.

I am sick of hearing the “make it ok” yet super-selfish reasoning: “you have no reasonable expectation of privacy on the internet”. Of course you do! We all do! I may need to understand that words I type can stick around on Google, or exercise kindergarten levels of precaution by not giving away all of my personal details to strangers, or accept that when I’m presenting for work I’ll be filmed, like that, but there is NOTHING that says I HAVE to allow every person with a flip cam access to my mug or person in photos or videos.

I am making it my mission to untag, take down, remove, delete and otherwise control my own visage online. I highly recommend you don’t be shy, either. Tell those amateur photogs and citizen journo wannabes “no” if you don’t want to be on camera, or have your mug grace their Flickr, FaceBook, or other social site. Just say “take it down”. It’s ok. Your face – it’s one of the few things you really DO own online. Stand firm.

Take this poll, then I’ll forward the results to Trader Joes to lobby them to put a Trader Joes here in one of the empty buildings in Exeter, like the one next to Staples near the liquor store.

twtpoll
Do you want a @traderjoes installed ASAP in Exeter, NH?

HELL YES, BRING IT ON, WITH WINE TOO

HECK NO, LOVE DRIVING AN HOUR OR MORE TO MASS

MAYBE, WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?

twtpoll

Do you want a @traderjoes installed ASAP in Exeter, NH?

HELL YES, BRING IT ON, WITH WINE TOO
HECK NO, LOVE DRIVING AN HOUR OR MORE TO MASS
MAYBE, WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
Total responses: 1

Vote here!

PASS IT ON! Poll Ends May 31 2009

Some customer generated Trader joes love from YouTube:

I don’t know how the weather has been for the last few months in YOUR part of the country, but here in New England it has been consistently sucking. From an ice storm that knocked out power out for 15 days in December here to snow storm after snow storm, each dumping several feet of snow, it has been endless, brutal and nasty. I am ready for Spring. So, so ready.

It seems Mother Nature isn’t quite ready to stop being feisty. It’s April. I suppose, technically, it is “Spring” though not the kind of pretty, breezes and flowers spring I grew up with down South. No, this spring has brought colossal amounts of rain. This combined with the melting snow has brought mud. A lot of mud. I’m actually OK with mopping my floor daily, but I’m ready for some damn sun already.

Well, we finally get sun, but what looks like a gorgeous, light, airy, sunny 60 – 65 degree day out is actually 20 degrees and bitter. Why? Because for weeks every time the sun comes out it brings with it 30 – 40 mph winds. May I just say… WHAT THE HELL, NH? The wind knocks out both power and cable internet/TV intermittently too, so it is affecting my work. This has, in fact, been my least productive winter for work, ever. The power just won’t stay on.

I love all of the people I have met here over the years, but I am getting beaten down by the constant struggle with the elements. Now I know why New Englanders always seemed so dour in old photos – it’s the constant grind of forging through life with grim determination, I think. Regardless, I am past due for a trip to warmer climes, and more than ready for a break in the weather bringing easier times.

/rantoff

BlogHer already has ridiculous rules about placement and ad size and other ads in the side bar and on the page that limit earnings and ad placement. After receiving this gem of an email trying to restrict CONTENT, the BlogHer ad in the sidebar of this blog will be removed as soon as I am done publishing this post. Do I even take these kinds of paid posts? Not usually, though I have received a few books and trinkets here and there to review on my other blogs and am not opposed to the idea if full disclosure is present. That isn’t really the point. The point is that no one controls my content but me. Period. See ya, BlogHer.

Hi everyone,

We’ve received a number of questions about our policy about giveaways on your blogs, so we decided to follow-up today’s email with another newsletter to help explain.

Many of our network members are eager to participate in promotional blog tours, and receive frequent offers for review products, or items to give away. We don’t want you to have to turn down any of these opportunities – giveaways and sponsored trips included! You can absolutely accept them onto your blogs — as long as you place them on pages without BlogHerAds! Would you like help with this? Our help desk can show you how.

Here’s why BlogHer is now including giveaways in our definition of advertorial: In the past year, the number of free giveaways offered to bloggers for your readers has grown so exponentially that they are becoming, in essence, ads in blog editorial content. Our paying advertisers are not willing to pay the top advertising rates that BlogHer’s Ad Network charges if their ad is going to appear next to an advertorial you’ve written about another product.

The editorial standards in the BlogHerAds Affiliate Agreement exist to protect these advertising rates and your revenue share. Our advertisers pay top rates because they love your writing and want to sponsor it, and they trust that all BlogHerAds bloggers follow these guidelines. This approach is very similar to what people already do to accommodate items over $40 on separate review pages. If anyone in the network doesn’t follow these guidelines, this behavior threatens our relationships with our advertisers and risks revenue for all of us. More on the BlogHer FAQ.

As always you will be able to receive items worth less than $40 for review (e.g. books), write your objective editorial review and then give away those items without any adjustments to your current practices. You can also still sell, advertise or give-away items that you have made or created…from your Etsy store, CafePress store or your own publications. In fact, you can still do all other types of giveaways to your heart’s content on your blog — but those cannot appear on pages next to BlogHerAds. Just let us know if we can help you set those ad-free pages up.

We’ve added this information to the Welcome Newsletter

and we corrected the funky link to the form at the bottom :)

Thanks again for your help and attention. And if you have any questions, we’re here for you!

Sincerely,

Yvonne, Jenny and Jenifer

for the rest of the BlogHerAds.com team

It is cold out. Are you ready for how cold? FOUR. FOUR DAMN DEGEES. And no, that is NOT with wind chill. It’s just FOUR. So I’m sorry but this blog will be waiting for me to defrost for a day or so…

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So funny, as always.

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